Yes, let’s give a cheer to the following, the newest world record holders now being considered for inclusion in the next edition of the Guinness Book of World Records:

Wang Chuntai of Yaan, Sichuan, China! Take a bow, Wang! Wang managed to pull an automobile 47 feet. Hmmm…sounds tough, but not impossible…what’s so hard about pulling an auto…? Oh, I see — he pulled it using cables attached to his eyelids!!! Is he insane?!

Monte Pierce, you’re up next! Wave to the crowd! I said wave to the crowd! I said….hmm, seems Monte can’t hear me — oh, I see, that’s because he shot a coin over ten feet after launching it with his earlobe! I say his earlobe! He held onto the coin with his earlobe, pulled it back…and back…and back…and then let fly. I wonder if he hears a ringing in his ears? Maybe that’s because he didn’t use the correct change!

And finally, there’s B.D. Tyagi, of Bhopal, India. B.D. must feel pretty proud of himself, I tell you. Do you know want to know what he won for? He has the longest ear hair in the world! It’s over four inches long. On each side! Next time your barber wants to trim your ear hair, tell him no way — you’re going for the world record!

Let’s hear it for our new world record holders! Just think how proud their moms and dads must feel!

Have an amazingly revolting world record of your own? Heard of one? Let us know!